Today wasn’t as bad as work has been…meaning that I worked with JM and KN today, and being Sunday it’s always pretty busy. However it’s a toss-up as to how it will be. We’re either busy in a good way, or busy with nutsos all day.
It was definitely a Nutso Day.
People were a little crazy today, but nothing bad. I loved working with JM and KN today because they’re easy-going and they’re not all high strung like others that I work with. Well, except for Mr. Hummel, he’s cool too.
Anyway, I got home and had some dinner waiting for me…hamburgers and swiss potato casserole…never had it before and it was very good. And I decided to watch Farscape for a while. I haven’t watched it in a long while, and I remember why I love it so much. The story line is great, and the fact that it has humor that I can understand is even better.
My mind is kind of scrambled right now. Kind of vague, yes, but that’s how it feels. I feel happy about quite a few things right now, annoyed with my boss and a co-worker, nervous about my job prospects, anxious, excited, indifferent…it sounds kind of pathetic, but I do feel all of those at the same time. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but that’s just how I am. It’s not because I’m a woman…I know quite a few men that I don’t understand…but I’m just in a mood recently. *sigh*
And not this coming Saturday, but next Saturday, the 13th, my family and I are going to Worlds of Fun. This will be extremely interesting as it will be Sweet-N-Low, Nickos, Thumb, me, Sweater, Vern, Old Man, Nini, D-Rok and a friend of his. Notice that everyone has someone to hang with but me. I know, I know, it sounds childish, but it’s true. I love my brothers, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just that I don’t want to hang with them the whole time, and while I love Sweet-N-Low and them, I don’t want to hang with them either. Just once I’d like to go to WOF and just hang with someone by myself. It’s much easier to do rides and stuff when it’s just two people as opposed to six. Oh well, I’ll get to be with my family for a day, so that will be nice. Afterwards we’re going to go somewhere to eat for Nickos’s birthday, which is the 9th.
Eh, I just want to move somewhere lately. I don’t know why, I just do. Some place where I can just go and do what I want to do, with whomever I want to, and not have to worry about anything else. *sigh* I need another vacation.
There was something that I heard on (of all things) an episode of Farscape that I watched. One of the main characters, Aeryn, is a soldier, so she is trained, among other things, to always keep control of her emotions, and she is talking with this man about that. They tried to go rock climbing, he lied to her about being an expert at it, he fell and got them both jacked up. They just met recently, and he had been pursuing her very actively. And Crichton is the main character who Aeryn tries to deny her feelings for.
Man – “I’m sorry I brought this on you.”
Aeryn – “Do you always pursue women you don’t know?”
M – “If I’m drawn to them.”
A – *scoff*
M- “Would you be lying here helpless, giving up, if Crichton were back there waiting for you?”
A – “You wouldn’t understand.”
M – “Does your leg hurt? It’s broken.”
A – “I’m trained to deal with that.”
M – “That’s the answer. You’re not trained to deal with emotions so you’re afraid of them. Emotional pain you wear like a badge. It means you’ve been there. And it can’t get calloused because each fresh hurt stings like the first.”
A – “Why would you want that?!”
M – “Because of all the days before it hurts. The good days…when you’re in love.”
M – “It’s too bad you can’t get back to at least tell Crichton how you feel.”
A – “What difference would it make? He’s a frelling statute!”
M – “But he can hear. He can see. He’ll know, Aeryn. At least he’ll know.”
The whole statute thing…if you want to know I’ll tell you sometimes, it’s kinda funny. But aside from that, I realise that I’ve been like this. That when I do things, it is because that is how I’ve learned to do them. I have never been instructed in emotions, how to feel…I have been taught from a very early age that I had to keep my emotions in check always…must be why I don’t show my attitude when I should…but I’ve learned to open myself up and to explore and enjoy my emotions as they run through me. And to experience them proudly.
I don’t know if any of that made sense, but I hope it helped explain things enough.