Reminiscing and Ice Cream Sundaes

Once, things were perfect

You were lovely and sweet and funny and smart and handsome

How silly you were, and smart and tough

How ridiculous you were, and thoughtful and considerate

That one single sweet smile that you have

The genuine one…You know which one it is

Was the one thing that would always make me feel wonderful and bashful

Would always break me because I always knew that you would never be with me

…every time I saw that damn smile

One day, I decided to change it

I grew a pair

And whatever was there…

Was magically demolished

I don’t know what happened

I guess it was a matter of choice for you

I was no longer worthy of the jokes, the accidental touches

No longer worthy of the hard belly laughs, the sweet moments

…I have not since seen that gorgeous, heartbreaking, supernova smile

…The one that you could miss if you blinked

But me?

I never blinked once

Not long after that, I saw you again

At my job, you visited me

After you left, a coworker said something silly

You have flippy hair, he has flippy hair

You’re cute, he’s cute

And the tension between you two was ridiculous

You guys should get together

I informed said coworker

That nothing would ever work between us

That bridge had burned as quickly as it was built

And for a long time

I was desperately sad, deep down

Since then, I have a new rigor and love for life

And the one that I choose to spend my life and time with

Is more than I ever asked for

More than I ever experienced

And more for me than anyone else has been

He is the most perfect person for me

And I know that you have found someone to share your life with as well

I wish you happiness and love with her

Because for just a moment

I got to see you

For the lovely soul that you are

———————————————————————————————————————————

Ahhh, I sound like a freaking sap. Ridiculous. But I guess it’s true. Won’t go into many details…mustn’t ask us, not its business…but it goes something like this.

I was, at one time, in love with someone a long time ago. We flirted shamelessly, and he was such a sweet person. It was never anything sexual or inappropriate, but it was nice. It was one of those situations that I wasn’t ever sure if anything would ever come of it. Main reason being that I am five years older than him. Well, the time came to shit or get off the pot, and things kind of fell apart after that. We didn’t talk for maybe eight or nine months. Then I saw him at my job, and we just talked for a little bit. It was a nice conversation, and I don’t hold anything against him. He did what was best for him, and I don’t want anything other than happiness for him in his life. I’m very glad that he is happy now.

Why am I talking about this?

Because I had a little reminder of what he did for me the second time I had seen him. He serenaded me, and that had never before happened to me. He was very much an awesome person, and still is. Thinking about him, quite randomly and reminiscing over it, just made me remember how happy I was at the time. I’m happy with my boyfriend and he is more like myself than I could ever have thought possible. He knows my heart and soul so well, I could never have asked for someone so right for me. So that isn’t even an issue. I just realise that I have had a moment where I looked back at a situation that used to make me sad, and I smiled because I remembered the happiness of the moment. It’s really nice. Maybe that’s a side effect of turning 30, I’m not sure. But there it is.

Aside from that, though, I feel as though my wheels are spinning in a pocket of clay, mud and snow on top of a thick layer of ice. It sucks hardcore. I don’t really know what to do with it. I’m trying to fix a few things that need fixing, so I don’t really have anytime for me and my pursuits. I’ve been wanting to get back into dancing, and I have been wanting to go to karaoke with my dad more often, since I love to sing. I’ve been wanting to learn how to draw. Since I got my Wii back, I’ve been wanting to charge hardcore at my games and finish them. Have to beat some of them again, and that’s gonna take a while. So ballz 2 me on that one.

*sigh* I think I’m just thinking too much about them. I do that, and I’ve been trying not to think about them so much, and just do. After all, there is no try, right?

On a positive note, I’ve spent another lovely day with my mom and my little nephew. It is so fun to spend time with a little guy like him, and think about how really wonderful it must be to have children. DON’T get me wrong, I’m not trying to have any right now at all, but I think that when I am ready, I will thoroughly enjoy it. My nephew is almost 6 months old, and he is the cutest little guy! And the things he does, noises he makes are so freaking adorable. Makes me happy that I am his Tia. I feel very privileged to know him, and am excited to get to know him as the years pass.

Oddly enough, I’ve been a fan of hot fudge sundaes. I’m not normally an ice cream girl, but lately…ah, it’s just odd. Odd things for odd people, I guess.

I also thought about going back to school, again, but I’m not totally sure what I want to finish. Astronomy has popped back up in my mind, but that would involve being away from all of my loved ones, so we will see what I choose to go with. Wouldn’t mind teaching astronomy. I guess we’ll see.

And I don’t care what people say. Age is just a freaking number. It should have no bearing on you as a person. I hate girls that trip because they turn 25 or 30. If YOU feel old, it isn’t your birthday’s fault. Maybe you should stop feeling old, and try feeling youthful. I told someone that I still feel as I did in my early twenties. I don’t feel old, so I don’t know what their problems are. I still get carded for alcohol, so I’m not complaining. My mom got carded for a margarita in her late thirties, so I have that to look forward to! Thank goodness I got her looks laughing

———————————————————————————————————————————

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do

I bless the rains down in Africa

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

~ Toto

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