This was a long day today…not bad, just long.
I opened with just Tweedledum today, but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. She respected my space today and we actually had a good day between all of us at work. It’s just the sales day was really shitty. I even managed to leave for a twenty minute break aside from my lunch break to go up to the Sprint Store to banter with the store manager about my phone.
My dork brother called me at work today, then wanted to talk to KN, who he has a crush on, and asked her what the five oceans were. I asked him why he couldn’t have asked me…he said he didn’t think that I knew. I told him that I should hit him, and the next time he comes back to Topeka, I will…no warning or anything, I’ll just hit him.
Today was…well, something that Blue Eyes told me about, I was kind of , but I understand very much why he is doing it…and I am glad that he is doing it, but I still feel bad, like that it’s my fault that he is in the pain that he is in. I know that it’s something that he has to do, and I know his other reason for doing it, I just wish I could help him more in it. I know that it can’t be easy at all, and for me to be here and not be able to help out the way I want to…well, a lot of you know me, and that’s just not how I am. My thing is to be right there for those that I love, not to just hope that they feel the strength and love that I am sending them. And because I don’t think that they can feel it sometimes, I feel like a failure.
But I am doing my damndest to get rid of those feelings…you know, like I talked about before. Today, I only blamed myself once for how someone was feeling today, but other than that, I didn’t do that. Something that helped me today was that I wore a pair of pants to work that I’ve not worn in over a year and a half because they were pretty tight. Then I had lost a teensy bit in January and could wear them. They were still a little tight, but not as bad as they had been…it’s seven months later, and now they are about an inch too big in the waist…I know, it’s a great thing, but you don’t have to spend the money to buy new pants.
To my rock, I want to say this: I really hope that this helps you, baby. I want you to be happy and I want to be with you. I just want you to know how much I am here for you and I know why you are doing this. You are so wonderful and I feel the sadness that you are radiating…I just want you to know that I will help you carry this as far and as long as you have to. No matter what, I will be right next to you. I love you.