Against the wind…

Ever felt like you have just hit…something…I’m not sure what, I never said I was a poet, I just like to write. Fictitious ideas, of course, never been one to talk or say or publish my truth.
Keep it in, less to worry about I’ve always been told and have learned. However, when does it become necessary to speak it all? Speak all of the truth?
I have learned the hard way that it is usually never the time to speak the truth…my own truth, anyway.
Either with my truth, the honest truth, it has caused someone to become alienated or estranged from me…as if I have become the strangest possible being in the entire Milky Way Galaxy…
I’m talking about friends, trusted friends, friends who have been there for me when Hell attempted to rear its ugly head, to toss me to the lions in hopes that I would succumb to the fear and hopelessness that is unthinkable for ANY human being to be able to survive, to sustain through…
Other people, I love people, honestly…no matter how much of an introvert and anti-social entity I am or have become…But these are the people that trouble me the most. Why has it become okay to JUDGE people based on your first fifteen minutes with them?
WHY THE HELL DOES THIS HAPPEN, WHY IS THIS SO TRUE, SO RIGHT…when in reality, we damn well KNOW better…
I’m Latina, but I’m not stereotypically so…I don’t cook all that great, I’m not bilingual, I love video games, but I’m not a TRUE gamer, I love to read/watch sci-fi/fantasy/drama, I like anime and cartoons and thrillers…
I pick up a lady’s dollar at the mall when she drops it and give it back to her, I love to smile and talk to customers’ little children knowing that I would like the same done to my kids someday (if I have none, my nieces and nephews), I’m a shy person but I can really get going once I know you have faith in me that I’ll make you smile just by being a ridiculous person if only for one microt…
I love music and think that it is the most wonderful extra gift we can receive from God, I have a very hard time forgiving people but I couldn’t imagine not forgiving people for what they have done (I can’t play the part of judge, nor will I ever…couldn’t even get picked for jury duty…), I am a fierce person even when it comes to people that I consider classmates, co-workers, acquaintances, wanting nothing more than to keep these people close to me in someway and standing up/fighting for them, even when they don’t know it…

But…

I have realised that I need not worry.

There are many reasons for me to be happy and appreciate the people that I have in my lives that love me and show that by supporting me, bringing my house key to me, getting me lunch because I was blond and forgot my wallet, making sure I have a ride home, making sure I have my Farscape and Oz to watch at home when I can relax after a long day, asking me to practice with them so that we both understand what we are doing, coming in the mall to see me when they’ve already left the mall, taking the time to say hi…

To these people I extend my deepest, most sincere love and affection as you are a bright spot in a world that has the potential to make my life as dark as the black hole that pulls and claws at my spirit…

I know I don’t always say it, but I love you. All of you that pray for me, look out for me, love me even though I’m the craziest, strangest, weirdest person you know…

Keep me in your thoughts, guys…

I love you.

Love supremely,
Liza Marie

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